// The world's most over-engineered const fartTech = "enterprise™";

A cloud-native, AI-enhanced, microservices-based, blockchain-optional platform for delivering exactly one fart sound to end users at scale. SOC2 compliant. ISO certified. Absolutely pointless.

$ npm install fart-core --save-enterprise

$ docker run -p 4200:4200 flattech/brrp:latest

Presses

847

Dependencies

Feature

∞

Tech Debt

fart.exe — node v22.4.1

Total Presses

Session

Press/sec

// interactive shell — type help for commands

const terminal = new BreezShell()

bash — flattech@prod-server-01

FlatTech™ BreezShell v9.4.1 — type help for commands

⚠ 847 deprecated warnings suppressed

⚠ node_modules is 847MB, your code is 1.2KB

flattech@prod:~$

package manager

Ready. Choose an action above.

// CI/CD — continuous integration of pointlessness

async function runPipeline(env: Production)

jest — test runner

Press "Run Tests" to execute the test suite.

Note: There is 1 test. It tests that the button exists. It does not test that the button works.

GitHub Actions — deploy.yml

⬜ Checkout

→

⬜ Install

→

⬜ Lint

→

⬜ Test

→

⬜ Build

→

⬜ Deploy

Waiting for deployment trigger...

// source control — a history of regret

git log --oneline --graph --all --since="the beginning"

git log — fart-core

contribution activity — flattech-bot

0 contributions in the last year · all of them were pressing the button

DevTools — Console

0 errors

Console output will appear here.
Press the button to generate errors.

// documentation — for when the code doesn't speak for itself (it doesn't)

export default FartTechAPI /** @deprecated use feelings instead */

⊘ Closed. This question is a duplicate of How to make computer noise (closed 2019). It does not meet Stack Overflow quality standards. Please improve the question and reopen.

-847

score

▲

▼

How do I make a fart sound in JavaScript? [closed]

I am trying to make a fart sound in JavaScript for my enterprise application. I have searched for 3 hours. I found the Web Audio API. I do not understand the Web Audio API. I have tried playing a YouTube video. My boss is watching. Please help. This is production code. The client is waiting.

javascript web-audio-api fart enterprise please-help urgent

asked by desperate_dev_42 · 14 years ago · 847,201 views

✓

12.4k

This is not a programming question. A fart is not a sound. A fart is a life event. You cannot make a fart sound in JavaScript. You should reconsider your career.

That said: new AudioContext() then oscillator with noise filter. But seriously. Reconsider.

answered by 10xEngineer_real · accepted · edited 7 times to remove passive aggression

⚠ Comments (847): "Did you even Google this?", "Duplicate", "Use jQuery", "Just use jQuery", "PLEASE use jQuery", "why", "why would you", "I am begging you", "I quit because of this question"... [show 844 more]

REST API — v9 (deprecated, use v10 which is also deprecated)

GET /api/v9/fart Retrieve fart status

POST /api/v9/fart Trigger a fart event

POST /api/v9/fart/enterprise $299/mo — same fart

DELETE /api/v9/dignity Already called by default

          Click an endpoint to see the response...
        

fart.service.ts

/** @module fart-core/enterprise
 * @deprecated everything is deprecated
 * @since forever */
class FartService extends AbstractEnterpriseBean {

  private readonly dignity: Dignity = null;

  async execute(ctx: FartContext): Promise<FartResult> {
    await this.validateDignity(); // always throws
    return new FartResult({ sound: "brrp" });
  }

  private async validateDignity() {
    throw new DignityNotFoundException(
      "dignity not found (expected)"
    );
  }
}

// package.json — 847 dependencies to play one sound

npm list --depth=0 | wc -l // returns: 847

dependencies — package.json

Package	Version	Description	Status
fart-core	^9.4.1	The actual thing. Does the fart.	✓ ok
brrp-utils	^2.0.0	Utility functions for brrp operations. 847 functions. 1 used.	⚠ outdated
flatulence-enterprise	^1.0.0	Enterprise wrapper for fart-core. Adds auth. Nobody asked.	✓ ok
dignity	^0.0.1	Peer dependency. Never satisfied.	✗ missing
left-pad	^1.3.0	Pads strings. Critical infrastructure apparently.	✓ ok
is-odd	^3.0.1	Checks if a number is odd. 22MB package.	⚠ deprecated
enterprise-bean-factory-factory	^4.2.0	Factory for creating factories that create beans.	✗ CVE-2024-FART
moment	^2.29.4	Date library. 300KB. Used for: button press timestamp.	⚠ use dayjs
lodash	^4.17.21	Used for: _.noop(). Once. In a test. That is disabled.	✓ ok
...839 more	various	No one knows what these do. Afraid to remove them.	⚠ unknown